The abilities of fear have always seemed to amaze me. It makes people do crazy things, or miss out on amazing opportunities just from a thought in our heads. Fears start out so simple- the dark, monsters under our beds, but as we get older fears become so much more real and powerful. There is one fear that continues to hold me back and crush me. I’m tired of it pushing me around and keeping me from taking that first step to greatness. This is my biggest fear.
More specifically the fear of embarrassment for something I created. A poem, a video- a website. I hear the awful things people say when others take a risk and try something new and I can’t help but think, “If that’s what they say about them, what will they say about me.” I feel so vulnerable sharing something I 100% created without the ability to hide and blame the mistakes on someone or something else. If someone has something negative to say about my work, it’s a direct reflection on me. There’s nothing that fills me chest with more pain and anxiety than that moment right before I share my work and hope at least one person doesn’t think it’s stupid.
The worst part about my fear is I know it has really nothing to do with other people’s opinions. It’s me.
When I show someone my work, even before they’ve seen it, I think up 1,000 things they might say. All of which are negative. But, the reality is, they don’t say any of things I think up. In fact, most of the time they say encouraging and positive things. If not then it’s helpful and respectful, but it’s never about what they really said, but rather what they could’ve. This is the reality of my crippling fear.
This brings us to now. Today. July 22, 2017 where I’ve chosen to face this fear through the best way I know possible- facing it head on. This website only contains my work which can reflect on no one else but me. And I’ve chosen not to keep it secret or just tell my friends, but instead everyone I know. I’m tired of my fears determining my future. This is step one.